So why are you crying?

My eyes have been getting consistently worse over the last couple of years. I have difficulty focusing and I have lots of double vision. Forget reading - I can only do that for ten minutes before my eyes get all buggy. Depth perception? Shot. I was trying to weed my garden and I would reach to pull out a little thing growing in my flower bed and I would reach for it and miss! Frustrating. I have reading glasses, but they don't seem to help much. My other glasses are off my face more than on because they make my near sight worse (they are for far sightedness anyway). So I've pretty much given up driving except very locally on roads I am familiar with. And I've been depressed about it alot lately because I feel like an invalid. The doctor I've been seeing for years can't seem to help me (but he's just an optometrist, not an MD) and he just keeps changing the prism in my lenses to compensate. See, my eyes are off level. Instead of being horizontally level, like _ _ they are like this _ - But it's not really visible, I don't look like a freak or anything, honestly. It's just fractions of a millimeter, but enough to screw up my vision.

So I have been getting depressed because I thought this was all related to the optic neuritis and can't be fixed. After all, if you have a virus in your hard drive, you can't fix it with a new monitor. Does that make sense? But I've been to a specialist finally, and it is NOT related to the MS at all! It's the problem I've had all my life which they were trying to control with prisms, but now that I'm getting old (fuck it), the eye muscles are just worn out from trying to focus with each other all the time. AND IT CAN BE FIXED! And I am going to have surgery on June 15th. It's pretty gross - they have to move the eyes out of the way first (ewwww) and I'll have some discomfort for a few days. Yes, there are minimal risks. But those are worth it, I think. So I cried. Yes. I sobbed. When she said that I didn't have to live with this and I'm not going to go blind unless I'm very unlucky, and I cried like a baby. Then I called Jim, still crying, and told him. And he's the one who said "So why are you crying?" Men! It was a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I can't explain it. I'm so angry for not seeking answers earlier. I'm scared that it won't work. I don't care, it's worth a shot. And I cried with relief. Does that make sense?

And if it works, and I can see again, and I don't have to change the text on my computer to "huge" and I can actually read the paper and read a book and weed the garden... it will be the best thing that's happened to me in years!!!

Hey, it's almost Sunday. Need to get to bed....... huggs all!